An apple a day keeps the doctor away

Why is it the apple that keeps the doctor away? Is there any scientific proof of that? How am I supposed to use the apple to keep the doctor away? (Not THE doctor of cause, who, yes WHO, wants to keep him away anyway???) And what about pears? Don’t they work (as well)? And how does it work anyway? Am I supposed to give him the apple to make him go away? Or should I throw it at him? Maybe the doctor comes round only once a week so I am supposed to spare an apple every day to bake apple pie with them on the seventh day? (But then someone said you should rest on the seventh day. I don’t know how to handle this and which one is more important. To rest or to keep the doctor away. I thought these two were connected the other way around.). Or would the pie make the doctor stay instead?

Maybe the doctor was terrified by the fairytale of Snow White and consequently stays away from apples wherever he can. If the doctor is very small, you can probably use the apple as a bowling ball and…

Because the simple solution of just eating it wouldn’t be wise at all. Doctors cannot be serious when they recommend eating apples because of their supposedly “healthy ingredients”. Most of the apples you can buy contain about as many healthy ingredients as chips do (except they’re not as salty and addictive) and you cannot combine them with tomato sauce that well. So, it should better be: …a pepper a day or …a lemon or best of all …a bunch of parsley a day…

My favourite idea is that you hide the apple somewhere (in the house) and then ask the doctor to go and look for it. If you choose a good hiding place, that task will keep him busy the whole day. And because doctors just have short-term memories, you can keep them busy every day with this little game.

Or does it refer to an apple instead of a PC? But since I am an iphone user, I cannot imagine that.

The second question is: Why should I try to keep the doctor away anyway?! Isn’t it good to have a doctor around, in case you need one? (For example when you get a cold)

Doctors are an occupational group about which is said that they have quite a lot of money and status. So why not just keep around some doctors to make them take you as their wife? If you managed that, you wouldn’t have to worry about money and you could keep yourself busy baking apple pies. And when you have grown tired of your husband just give him an apple, like the witch did in Snow White….

I’d like to thank my coauthor Annika for the great help with the difficulties of the English language. My old and rotten brain just doesn’t work how it should do. I think I should consult a doctor… but not an amateur 😉